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This girls said that she would do it if I didn't finish in her mouth. Of course I said sure. I lied, when the first load when in her mouth she pulled back and the second hit her in the eye. She just kept yelling I'M BLIND I"M BLIND.
Poor thing I wiped it off consoled her lied again and said it snuck up on me. She was soooo happy that she wasn't blind that she didn't hit me or anything for doing what I did

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Humped a hippie chick on top of school parking garage while looking into cameras that no one pays attention to apparently.. smoked my j n left... concrete was a bit rough on the knees

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Today, I found out my father has been having an affair while my mum and I were on holiday. They've been doing it in my bed so they wouldn't dirty the sheets my mum had to sleep in.

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So my gf comes to visit me after 1 month of no sex. Of course we go to town for a good couple hours and by the end of our excursion we are to tired to get out the bed to wipe the juice off. So i take my roomates white towel to do the job. The next morning I wake up to him washing his face with it. Sorry bro..

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Today, I was texting my boyfriend during a 7 hour car ride with my family. I thought it'd be fine to text dirty with him. Little did I know, my audio corrector was on, and told me the right way to spell 'penis' and 'orgasm.' 5 hours left.

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The other day while going at it doggy style I lost my balance, fell out of bed and hit my chin on the night stand. Had to go to
the hospital for 5 stitches and a nice scar. Oh the price we pay.

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I was camping with some friends on New Years weekend. We like to take our Quads out in the winter and spend all weekend riding, drinking, and cooking our meals on the grill.

It was our last night in Glamis so we were doing some heavy drinking. A few other camp sites came together and things started to get interesting. One thing I love about Glamis are the girls we call “bro hoes”. Bro hoes are girls who go out to the desert but most of the time have no idea how to ride a dirt bike. You’ll often see them walking around in cut off jean shorts and bikini tops.

Long story short, I somehow ended up stumbling back to my camper with a “Bro Hoe”. Everything was coming together nicely for a few moments. Her face wasn’t much to look at but she did have the body of a swim suit model. Things were starting to heat up when I felt my stomach give a grumble. I stopped momentarily to see if the stomach pain would go away.

Just as I was about to continue, I felt the grumble go from my stomach into my throat. I tried to pull away but it was too late. I blew chunks all over her torso and parts of her legs while I was scrambling to the bathroom. When I came back, she was no where to be found. I didn’t really blame her though because the smell was pretty atrocious.

There are no showers in the desert, so I am pretty sure I ruined her weekend.

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So one night I end up hooking up with some girl who won't swallow. I soil perfectly good dark green sweater all over the front and she goes home afterwards. I take off the sweater and toss it in the corner and go to sleep in my t-shirt.

A few nights later, my band has a gig. My guitarist comes over to pick me up and asks if he can wear that same sweater still sitting in the corner. Now, a few days have passed and I spent most of college with my head buried in a bong. Needless to say, I let him borrow it having NO idea that it is the one with some crusty ass maps of Hawaii, Italy AND Alaska on it.

It's winter, so we're all wearing coats, loading in blah blah blah. It's dark in the club and no one notices the off white globs all over the chest of the sweater. We get up on stage to play and there is a black light right next to where my guitarist is standing and you can easily see every fucking drop of semen I left on that thing.

I still to this day don't think he's every forgiven me for letting him wear that sweater... or have you

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One time I was hammered at a bar and just walked up to a girl I kinda knew, honked her boob and said, "Give me a boner." We started making out and she shoved her hand down my pants. Then we had to stop because she had to go throw up.

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It was another night out clubbing, I was coming home empty handed so I flip througgh the contacts and sent a few text messages around and had a little babe coming by in 20. I went back to my dorm room to prepare... BUT MY ROOMMATE WAS BACK EARLY SLEEpING. Fuck, my mind that had now moved to my dick, thought quick and advised me to clean up the bathroon for company. The babe came in, I tugged her into the bathroom before she woke my sleeping roommate."just relax" Thats all i ertold . She was on it in seconds.We finished up and she jumped off and there was a little spot of blood on the tip of the condom"Sorry Im just finishing my period" . SOOOO gross, so i kicked her out and went to bed lol

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